A Referential Awakening of Mind

Awakening to the time I find myself in line. I look and see an infinite number ahead of me, a cue twisting through blue horizons of cloud banked doubt, stout and slender souls intertwined, shuffling forward, gray shades of mediocrity played by life’s strife.

I look behind, to find nobody behind me. Last in line I am, last in time I stand with all of history stretched out before, a panorama of blood, sweat tears and gore. Of joy and laughter, happiness and peace, the entire human drama displayed, my mind awake, my eternal thirst for knowledge, remaining unslaked.

In the halls of the infinite the eternal is unbound, the chorus of the heavens resounds, the music of the spheres reverberates, pools of dripping tears instigate a referential awakening of mind, sublime chatter of altered voices whisper doubts, from the mouth of innocent babes, pouting recriminations slide out.

Shattered by realization, I look about to find myself upon a cliff, the cue of tortured souls still wending forward, yet I hesitate, and light up a spliff. I inhale, felling quite swell and as the smoke twirls round my ethereal shade I think I’ve got it made, apart from the crowd, loud with banal proclamations proud of petty achievements and institutional documentations they crow, bray, low and stay mired in the minor victories of repressed miseries made manifest.

The test continues and I choose to stand still. Watch the other souls shuffle up an ethereal hill, rounding a corner they disappear and I find myself alone at last, with my tears. Joy rises from center as the infinite beckons me, welcomes me, the blue void deepens to purple tones, construed landscapes sharpen to reveal the massive bones of dragon gods and alien goddesses, the landscape becomes holy, crimped with pagodas, churches and temples, dilettante sycophants groan dirges that surge, quite visible as urges never acted upon, unimaginative desires that refused to release that inner fire, regrets about failed tests, sorrows about non-existent tomorrows.

I blink. Look around again to find myself still at the end of the line. But you know what? It’s fine. The first shall be the last and I am content to let the wind determine my intent, blown by fate and chance, I arrive here at the last dance. My stance, determined, joyous and boisterous, violet flames arising, blue glades of pain dissipating, deconstructing, dying…

No longer bound, I’m flying…

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